In the delivery room
mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
*packs a bong* see im not gunna rip it cause its a metaphor. *holds it to my mouth and makes saxophone noises* the real high is life
bring me cigarettes and diet coke and we’ll have a self pity party
Can’t wait to buy a golden retriever with someone tbh
hey!! y-e-s i do